Have you ever watched a magician perform? Making you believe something when right before your very eyes it suddenly changes? We marvel at this incredible transformation that with the sleight of hand, something that was never there suddenly appears–there is no explanation to how or why. It just came from seemingly nowhere and with it comes the thrill, filling us with a sense of wonder.
Someone once told me that I have magic. That something about me touches people and in doing so they open to share and bond with someone they can identify with or have some common ground…but I beg to differ. There is nothing special about me; there are no magic powers here. I am just plain and simple and powerless… I reach out to others simply because I want them to reach back to me. I find comfort in that more than I could ever give in reciprocity.
But hey, I wish I was magic. That would be kinda cool. I wish I could take a magic wand and fix the troubles and woes of all! Make all the wrongs right. I would also want to be selfish with my magic and fix myself . I want to. I want to wave a magic wand over me and make everything better, make myself whole, free from disease, free from the aches and pains in my body and heart. I want to give myself the path I see in my head and not have to take a thousand detours to get there. These detours tend to make the trip I am taking exceeding long and frustrating. I have no idea where my path is leading anymore.
Please don’t think I am on a magic carpet ride of pity here, trust me, I am not. I have packed and travelled those trips a thousand times. I just feel the weight of many things happening and am powerless to stop them and the lack of control I have does not sit well with this girl. For those of you who know me, you know I have a bit of a control issue and my impatience doesn’t help. I hate not having control over things and feeling powerless to do anything about it. I need powers! Magic ones! I need to be the one who can snap her fingers and in the blink of an eye everything will be ok. WELLLL if I could have my way, a pair of sparkly red heels like the ones Dorothy had in the Wizard of Oz would be cool too.
This isn’t just about illness. This is about life. This is about everything that happens when the house of cards comes tumbling down. We’ve all been there, we all had these moments. My problems pale in comparison to so many things in life that they almost seem inconsequential when you really look at it. But, this happens, then that, than this, and pretty soon you feel piled under the weight of so many stresses that the only thing left to do is to sit behind a computer and journal about it hoping that there are a million other people like me who feel the same way–or just one, that would be ok too.
Such is life. Such is the way of the world. There are so many wrongs in everything we wish to make right. But the real magic to do so doesn’t lie in one person. It lies in everyone here–Everyone who reads this blog and acts, everyone who lends a kind word to someone in need, everyone who offers support, everyone who offers a shoulder to cry on, everyone who is willing to give a hug to someone when they really need it. That is the magic! We all possess it. You have it; I have it, so many have it!!! I don’t need to know you to call you friend. You are my friend simply because you shared your magic with me.
Thank you for sharing your magic.