Last year, I wrote this “Property Review” of my body. This is a metaphorical essay. I was having a particularly difficult series of things that were going wrong at that time, so I decided to write a review as if I was being reviewed by a critic. This is sort of a satire about all of my body issues. It helped me try to accept some of the things that were happening at that time…
Originally written: Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 11:48am
I’m writing a review of the property belonging to Nadia Deane.. More specifically, My body. I have to rate this property a 2.5 stars. It’s not the worst, but truly it’s not the best. As I have resided in the property for more than 18 years, I have come to learn all its faults and highlights, and I would like to share my thoughts about it.
-First, the birds eye view of the world is blurry without corrective lenses to make things clearer.
-The plumbing is substandard due to deterioration. Most of the piping had to be removed. However, the reconstruction has proven effective with one drawback, most of the sewage runs through quite quickly. Not necessarily a bad thing..
-The structural foundation is somewhat weak. Many creaks and cracks can be heard and felt throughout the property. The property joints have aged prematurely, however, I find this adds character :-)
-The landscaping needs to be tended to, but with work and time the look can be beautiful.
-It’s a small property but quaint.
-Accessing parts of the property may be difficult as there has been a large foreign object that has most recently created a pile up of clotted natural debris on Left Arm Avenue. Scientists believe this is called a Picc Line Diversion which runs from Cephalic Road all the way to Subclavian Way. There is a detour that will reroute you for 6 months. The construction workers are poking hard to get the obstruction out of the way. However they have damaged Liver Boulevard in their quest to remove the road block. This is the most recent drawback to this property.
-Pancreatic Place has been remodeled in the past year and work still needs to be done to complete its renovation, but it has been left alone for the time being.
-Now, for some highlights: The heart of this property beats strong especially with the love and attention of the heart’s most recent occupant. Mr. Raza Sabzwari has taken quite good care of it and treats it with the utmost love and respect with all his hard work. He keeps the heart beating strong and true which quite makes up for the imperfections in other areas of this property. It’s the charm of this entire place. It’s inviting and full of love. So much so all visitors can feel its affects.
-$5000 investment has been put into the mouth of the property. Tourists love this sight, the spectacular view of this investment is the happiest part of the property.
-The roof of this property is very strong. It was with calculated effort that the smartest of all investments went into this brainchild. With cultivating research to build its strength, the brain of this property will have a long life as investments will continue to be made.
Note: the two creators of this property who established it more than 18 years ago, feel terrible about all the damages. However, they work tirelessly and lovingly toward its upkeep.
Journaling helps me to vent a lot of the feelings I have. If you would like to share ways that help you deal with everything, leave a comment or email me at Nadia@UCVlog.com and let me know!
“Words alone cannot fully convey the realities of the soul or the greatness of the human spirit.” ~William Shirley
~Nadia
Here’s a fun little video of nursing students rapping about ostomies. The video’s not the best quality but the rap is kind of funny and good for a laugh or two.
The folks over at Living with UC, which is really just a corporate site for Remicade, have a new advertisement they’ve been airing on TV. Maybe you’ve seen it. It features hockey player Fernando Pisani talking about ulcerative colitis.
I like Pisani and think he helps out the IBD community a lot, but one thing I found funny about this ad is the symptoms of ulcerative colitis that they list. The only symptoms mentioned are: fatigue, abdominal pain, and weight loss.
Really? Those symptoms are pretty general. They left out my favorite symptom–bloody, urgent, frequent, and uncontrollable diarrhea!
Maybe saying it like that doesn’t make for a catchy ad.
I haven’t found a good Garfield Minus Garfield comic in many months. Jon’s lack of appetite perfectly captures how I felt directly after each surgery some days.
A college guy named David has made this short video about a fictitious musical on Crohn’s disease. At least somebody knows how to have a sense of humor about this disease. [Some swearing in this video.]
If anybody ever reads the blogs on J-Pouch Life you’d be familiar with Brevin, a good-natured guy who currently lives with an ileostomy. He posted a comic that he had done this week that captures one of the more interesting aspects of living with an ileostomy.
My output used to squirt out five feet or more in the shower.
Sadly, I think Jon in this Garfield Minus Garfield comic reflects the attitude of many people with colitis. We all fear something. After seeing our health fail us so terribly we have a hard time trusting our own body.
But just because we’re afraid of failure doesn’t mean we don’t face failure. There’s no way to ever eliminate the prospect of failure. Instead, we turn towards life in spite of failure.
Yesterday a ran across a casual acquaintance I hadn’t seen in about three weeks. This man knew nothing of my medical issues, as we weren’t that close.
He asked, “Where’ve you been these last few weeks?”
“Well, I had to go through some surgery. But everything’s all better now,” I said.
“I don’t see you missing any parts so you must be alright! Glad to see you again!” he said with a smile.
If only he knew what I was missing, I chuckled to myself.
In all seriousness 2009 is here and it’s a brand new year. When I was in the thick of darkness back in my colitis days, I took comfort in the idea of newness. As we all know, we suffer many dark days trying to control our infantile bowels. And some days get very bad. So bad that giving up seems the only reasonable option, which is why I always looked forward to the night. I knew that upon waking the next morning that I would greet a new day. Not that the new days are always better. But you start with a clean slate and are given another chance by God to try this thing called life one more time.
