The United Colon Vlog

*A real J-pouch dream before waking up and having to empty my J-pouch. This is the first such dream I’ve had in 10 months.

I was in the penthouse apartment of some rather rich socialites. Four of us were sitting around a low coffee table playing cards. I didn’t recognize anybody in the group. Two people were arguing about the difference between meatballs in spaghetti and meatballs without spaghetti.

I had to go to the bathroom so I excused myself and walked through the apartment. The rest of the apartment was very dark, and naturally somebody was in the bathroom when I got there. I waited for several minutes, not sure if I could hold it. The bathroom finally opened.

I went inside and found that the bathroom was more like a mini-apartment. Chairs and couches lined the room. There was a bed in one corner and a kitchenette in another. Everything was exquisitely decorated and every piece of furniture in the room was an antique. I thought that if I could design a bathroom I would design it like this, and spend all my time there.

The toilet, however, was in a rather unusual place. A large wardrobe sat in the corner of the room. The doors to the wardrobe were grating, allowing you to see inside. I opened the door and found the toilet on the bottom of the wardrobe. Not questioning why it was there, I grabbed a stool, climbed into the wardrobe and went to the bathroom for a very long time. I thought that this bowel movement felt more like I had my colon again, and I wondered if my J-pouch had finally normalized itself.

Then I woke up and went to the bathroom.