I have found as I have lived with Crohn’s and Celiac among the other challenges of Asthma, Sleep Apnea, Reactive Arthritis, Pyoderma Gangranosum, and now Fibromyaligia that illness is a part of the fallen condition of our world. God doesn’t bring illness and suffering into our life. Life happens, good things and bad things.

But when suffering comes it becomes an opportunity to stop, reflect, and listen. Being in the midst of a momment of pain, I suddenly realize that God is there with me, and that I am not alone in my pain. That at times I have come so close to him in the suffering of the cross that our hearts are very close but in that closeness I poor finite creature that I am only sense darkness and aloneness. But he is there. So close that my pain is united with his, and at the moment I think I can not take anymore, he is there to help carry it. He doesn’t take it away, just eases it a bit.

That is a good thing becaue in those daily struggles of living with what sometimes looks like impossible obstacles — God transforms and helps this mere creature rise above my broken nature and do the impossible. To get out of bed and be a blessing to someone else despite my own pain and suffering. Those moments become a profound reminder of how strong God can be in our most weakest of moments.

God Bless each of you and know that physical healing is wonderful, but the biggest most beautiful healing is the healing of the heart and soul. Because each of us who suffer have a very special call. Suffering does have meaning and purpose. It is not given to us by Gid, but if it happens we do not have to be alone or afraid.

So thank you Natalie and Dennis because in your suffering God is using you to help others. But if you had never known the suffering you know now, you would have never had the opportunities you have right here. -Right! So suffering can be a blessing.

That said, because I don’t believe God causes illness, it is also difficult for me to believe that God is deciding which people to heal and which people not to heal. I know people who have had miraculous healing experiences and attribute their healing to God, and I don’t believe they are wrong. I don’t want to discredit the experiences of people who feel that God has healed them, but at the same time this brings up the question of why God doesn’t heal everyone. Why would God choose to heal one person but choose to let another person die? I have heard many answers to this question and none seem to satisfy. As mentioned above, I believe in a God of unending and infinite love, and I cannot believe that this type of God would pick and choose which people continue to suffer and which people are healed.

I continue to struggle with these questions throughout my struggle with UC. It does feel comforting to me to have members of my church family praying for me as I go through difficult times and medical tests and new medications…but at the same time I question what that prayer really means and why God would answer those prayers with healing but answer prayers for someone else with more suffering and pain. I definitely don’t have it all figured out! But the support of my family of faith and being able to talk openly about these issues is very helpful for me. As one of my favorite writers, Anne Lamott, said, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty.” I think it is healthy for people to think about these questions and doubt some of their preconceived notions about God and faith in the quest to better understand and love God.

I sincerely don’t mean to offend or suggest what other people should believe, and I’m not asking anyone to answer these questions for me; these are just my beliefs and thoughts as I can best express them.