The United Colon Vlog

*This is potentially the last ostomy dream I’ll ever have! Assuming I never have an ileostomy again, I have a theory that I’ll never have another dream about my ileostomy. I’ve been thinking a lot about these dreams and I think they are a way for the body to look out for itself. They were always a way for my body to tell me it was time to empty my pouch.

I had to empty my ostomy pouch and I was attending a large party of sorts. It was night and I was at a large mansion that was only one story high. People wore costumes and filled the backyard. I went inside to find a bathroom.

I found the bathroom but it was more like a locker room. Lots of men were walking around and showering. Most of the toilets had broken doors on them. So many people were in the bathroom that there were lines at every stall.

I went to a stall and saw only one guy standing there. The stall had no door and was missing one of the walls. The stall next to this one also was missing its door. A man was inside that stall as well. I approached the man just standing by the toilet.

“I have to use this toilet.”

“Okay,” he said.

I touched his shoulder and turned him as if he was a door, putting him where the wall between me and the other guy should have been. His back was to me and he started talking to the guy in the stall next to me as if they were good friends.

I sat down and opened up my bag. I looked between my legs and realized I was sitting on a very large dark brown leather recliner. A boy and his mother approached my stall and looked in.

“I can’t use this,” I told him. “Usually I empty my ostomy pouch into a toilet.”

“Here! We can help you!” the mother said.

I stood up and walked to the sinks next to the trashcans. The boy found a white garbage bag and opened it up.

“Empty the pouch into here,” he said.

I opened my pouch and emptied it into the bag. There was a lot of waste and it filled up most of the bag. When I was finished I started cleaning the bag and realized that my ostomy bag was completely gone! The boy had taken off the pouch and all I had left was the barrier. I pressed tissue against the stoma and started looking for the boy and his mother. Both had completely disappeared. I walked around the bathroom for a long time and couldn’t find them.

Then I woke up and had to empty my pouch.