The United Colon Vlog

This is the second-to-last ostomy dream I ever had.

*A real ostomy dream before waking up with a full pouch.

A couple friends and I were going to make some kind of chemical. It was supposed to be a cleaning product or organic product or something. But we didn’t have all the supplies to make it.

We went to an antique dealer and looked at his wares. He told us that usually people use a large metal container with multiple filters in it to make chemicals. But he had something better to sell us. He sold us a device that looked like a stripped down box spring. It was a metal frame the size of a double bed with a layer of metal springs and supports all across it. It was made completely out of metal. The man told us that the springs worked better as a filter for our chemical. So we bought it and carried it home.

We took it into our garage to clean it. Our garage was very small and messy and took up most of our small backyard. Our neighbor had built a fire in the fire ring in his backyard. He had a massive log three feet in diameter and seven feet long propped up in the pit. The flames were big and smoke crept into our garage, so we closed the doors.

We started cleaning up the metal frame when I realized that my ostomy pouch was full. I went into the house but somebody else was using the bathroom. I checked the other bathrooms but people were using those too! I went back to the garage and a few minutes later went into the house again but the same thing! Somebody was always using the bathroom.

Then I woke up and checked my pouch, but I didn’t have to empty it. Confused, I looked at the clock and realized only twenty minutes had passed since I first emptied my pouch this night.