The United Colon Vlog

*Real ostomy dreams before waking up with a full pouch.

I was in the jungle with seven or eight of my friends. We traveled down a raging river on large skis. Two people each stood on a pair of skis, thirty feet long, and glided down the river, one person in front of the other.

When we reached our destination, we all fell in the water and took off our skis. My friends wanted me to lead the group through the jungle because my ostomy pouch repelled dangerous animals. We walked through the jungle for a long time and carried the skis with us, which kept catching on the thick foliage.

Later a large tree blocked our path. A long brown snake wrapped itself around the trunk. The snake didn’t attach us because my ostomy pouch sedated it, but we couldn’t pass it either because it might still attack. I took the end of a ski and bashed the snake’s head against the trunk. My friend handed me a pocket knife to kill it. When I tried to attack the snake it moved out of the way. Eventually I struck the snake, then a second snake appeared and I killed that snake too.

We exited the jungle and returned to our large cabin. Somebody had started a campfire on the living room floor and didn’t extinguish it before we left. I got upset about that. Somebody also didn’t wash the dishes before we left on our expedition and that upset me too.

Then I woke up at the time I usually wake up to empty my pouch, between 2:00 and 3:00 am. My pouch was puffed up with air but not much stool because the stool was very thick. I got rid of the air and went back to bed.